How to play
Everything the match will do to you
Nine players a side on an enclosed metal pitch, two halves of ninety seconds, and a clock that stops every time somebody is carried off. Below is every rule that decides anything.
The scoreboard
Where the points come from
Every way to score, in one table. Half of them have nothing to do with the goal.
10
Goal
Into the opposing cage, the dull way.
10
Injury
An opponent stretchered off. Ten points, and out for the rest of the match.
2
Wall star
Five on the side walls. Light all five and the bonus lands.
2
Bounce dome
The ball comes back off it at an angle nobody chose.
×2
Multiplier
One gauge, shared. Drag it your way first, then score into it.
90s
Per half
Two of them, plus every stoppage for a body on the floor.
Controls
One stick and one button
Built for a phone held in two hands. On a desktop: the arrows or WASD, and the space bar.
Tap to pass
A quick pass, along the ground, to the player the stick is pointing at.
Hold to shoot
Charge past 65% and the ball leaves in an arc. Keep steering after the throw and it curls.
Off the ball, it tackles
Same button. Speed against power decides how badly it lands, up to a stretcher and ten points.
Selection follows the play
You keep the player you are steering. A teammate who receives takes control the instant the ball lands.
The pitch fights back
Everything bolted to the arena wants a piece of the ball
Five kinds of fixture, and every one of them scores.
Wall stars
Five lightable targets on the side walls, two points each and a bonus for the full set. The other side can light one back and take those two points with it.
Bounce domes
Floor bumpers worth two points a hit. They also return the ball on a line neither team asked for.
Multiplier ramps
Roll the ball through and the shared gauge shifts one notch your way. Two notches ahead and everything you score counts double, the injury you were about to cause included.
Electro pads and warp gates
A charged ball knocks down whoever it touches. A warp gate takes it off one wall and spits it out of the other, at speed, behind your defence.
Coins and tokens
Coins score nothing at all; they pay for gym points between matches. Tokens buy six seconds of bent rules — frozen opponents, ratings at maximum, a squad nobody can tackle.
The eight ratings
Every player carries the same eight ratings, from 1 to 99. They are what the gym sells and what a transfer buys.
| Code | Rating | What it decides | Gym cost |
|---|---|---|---|
| AGR | Aggression | Whether the player goes after an opponent who comes into their area. | 5 cr |
| ATT | Attack | How often a tackle actually takes the ball off someone. | 10 cr |
| DEF | Defence | How hard the ball is to take off you. | 10 cr |
| POW | Power | How hard the tackle lands, and how badly the opponent is hurt. | 10 cr |
| THR | Throwing | Release speed, and therefore how far across the pitch a pass reaches. | 10 cr |
| STA | Stamina | How much punishment a body takes before it stops getting up. | 15 cr |
| SPD | Speed | Running speed, slide distance, jump distance. | 15 cr |
| INT | Intelligence | How well the player reads where the ball and everyone else will be. | 15 cr |
How a season ends
Two ways up, and a very short way out. Only League and Cup write a save file.
The table
Win 10, draw 5, plus one bonus point for every 10 game points scored in the match. Level on points is settled on points difference. Grinding out 1-0 wins is a strategy that loses seasons.
Promotion
Win Division 2 and you go up outright. Finish second and you host the seventh-placed Division 1 side over one match, sudden death if it is level.
The cup
Four rounds alongside the league, straight knockout. One match per tie, and a draw goes to sudden death.
Game over
Promotion in season one, the Division 1 title in season two. Neither is optional, and there is no season three.
Between matches
The club is a spreadsheet with a body count
Twelve players, eight ratings each, one bank account, and two seasons to make it work. Universal income keeps most people quiet. The rest sign up where violence still pays and the odds are set by humans.
The gym
Aggression costs 5 credits a point, most ratings 10, stamina, speed and intelligence 15. Twelve players and eight ratings is a lot of points to buy.
The transfer market
A star costs a fee plus one of your own players. The window opens about one week in three, and the same money spent in the gym usually buys more.
The bank
A league career starts on 1,100 credits. A win pays 200 in Division 2, 300 in Division 1, 500 for the championship, and the coins on the pitch pay 100 each.
The deadline
Promotion out of Division 2 in the first season, the Division 1 title in the second. Miss either and the career is over. There is no third season to put it right in.
The ball is already charged.
It runs in the browser. Nothing to install, nothing to sign up for, nothing to buy.
Play slagballBest with the phone in both hands and the sound on.